Do you still have your period?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
