Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
