i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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