So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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