Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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