I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
