so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize