I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
