His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
