i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
