Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
