Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
