there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
That was before I lit my hair on fire
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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