I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
only you would photoshop your dick
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
