Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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