Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
