i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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