i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
