I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
