I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
