I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sorry my hands just texted you
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
