There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize