I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
