I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
