You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
