please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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