oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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