All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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