Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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