if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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