Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
