Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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