you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize