Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
