he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
