So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I currently don't understand fingers.
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