So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
