Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
