Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Will you blow on my dice?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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