I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
