Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
