I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize