Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
