Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
