i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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