I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
