Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
