sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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