Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
