What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
