yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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