omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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