I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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