were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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