Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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