my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
