:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Found the puke drawer
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
