I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
