your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
