The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He shit in the fireplace
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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