He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i need to put some appletini on your dick
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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