After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
