I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
