I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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