Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Semen is not good for contacts.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
