his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
