THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
