I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
