I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
