My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
