No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
