That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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