Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
