My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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